Repetition
by iMissa
Summary: Just because they’re ANBU doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t hurt. [Team Seven]


**Disclaimer: That'll go on my birthday list. Don't think my dad is quite rich enough for me to own Naruto, though. Hmm... is kidnapping still illegal if you don't get caught?**

Kakashi is used to the sight of blood. He's used to it coating his fingers, his clothing, his hair, _his heart. _Every kill stains their memories and it _hurts_, goddammit, but of course, nobody voices such thoughts aloud. A shinobi is never supposed to show their emotions.

Most times, Kakashi hates that rule.

Some days, though, Kakashi isn't a shinobi. He's just a human, just another person who stares too long at graves, at words that will forever be etched in stone, in memories, in the pads of his fingertips from tracing them. The engraved words are dull, but they still cut like a knife.

Of course, when Kakashi taught Team Seven, the ANBU missions lessoned severely. It wouldn't do to have a group of (mostly) innocent twelve years olds question why their sensei was coated in crimson liquid. But that was before Sasuke left; before Naruto could fake a smile, before Sakura could hide her tears. Sometimes, when the memories feel like they're too much to bear, he watches them sleep. Watches as Naruto curls into a picture taken long ago, at the beginning, when everything wasn't perfect but it was all they had. Watches as the moonlight shines on Sakura's face, particularly on the sticky salty paths leading from her eyes.

When Naruto left for training and Sakura began to be taught under the Godaime, Kakashi was sent on ANBU missions again. He can't help but wonder when he sees dead bodies of others, _did Sasuke kill some of them? _One part of him murmurs that no, not Sasuke. Sasuke may be tainted but he's not entirely broken. A larger part of him snarls that **yes he is. **

When Naruto returns, it almost feels like Team Seven again, only now they're Team Kakashi, four members once more but now with nothing more than a wisp of a look-alike boy with raven-hair and dark eyes. Perhaps that's why Naruto hates him, why Sakura can't look him in the face in the beginning. Sometimes, people never stop hurting. Time can't heal everything.

Kakashi feels quite old when Sakura and Naruto invite him out to celebrate their Jounin passing. He wants to warn them that it's more than they'll expect; that come a couple of years, they'll take showers and know what its like to watch blood run down their drain. He doesn't want to spoil their good mood, though, because he's an _awful, selfish creature who wants to remember them as they were seven years ago, not as the people he knows they'll become. _He watches as the flush on Sakura's cheeks grow, as Naruto stumbles and laughs. Sakura trips and laughs with him, and both of them are clutching a picture, faded and torn at the edges _(like their heart, he thinks)_ and by the end of it, they're both crying. Beneath his headband, Kakashi's right eye is too.

There comes a day when Naruto says a cheerful goodbye to him, and Sakura smiles at him. It'll never be the bright grin she used to give him, back when everything was simple, but it was enough. Naruto's off to make good that promise he made to Sakura so long ago _(had it really only been eight years? It felt like two lifetimes, one universe where their team wasn't broken, and the other where they are what they are now, just three shattered people trying to hold on in such a fucked up world) _and Sakura's off to make sure Naruto eats more than ramen. There is unspoken words in her eyes _(because even after everything, she stills loves the missing-nin) _but Kakashi doesn't comment on it. He merely wishes them good luck, ruffles Naruto's hair and places a hand on Sakura's shoulder with that little eye curve that he used to do when they were genin, and the muscles under Sakura's shoulder unclenches at the familiar action. They all know their future, and it hurts.

A month and a half later, Kakashi finds himself in Sound, gazing down at golden locks streaked with vermilion, pink hair soaked in blood, and raven tangled with crimson. They are together, though. They achieved what they wanted, and yet they didn't. Sasuke is in what he thinks of as home, but not quite. Though, in a way, Kakashi knows _(with a heavy heart) _that to the young avenger, wherever Sakura and Naruto are, **that **is home.

One ANBU is looking at him with something akin to kindness in his eyes, and wants to know if he's alright. _No, _Kakashi thinks to himself, gazing down at the closest thing he has to a family, _I'll never be alright. _Instead, he merely nods and prepares himself for extra long hours at the memorial, tracing more words. On the outside, he is cool and calm, holding Sakura's pale and limp body against his own, wishing for some warmth inside of both their cold hearts.

On the inside, though, he knows that tonight, he will hurt worse than ever. Photos and stone engravings can hurt just as sharp as any blade. He doesn't show this, though, because he is _ANBU_. He's not supposed to know what it's like to hurt, what this feeling is clenching his heart and choking his throat. He is stoic and _he is a ninja, an ANBU. _

_It doesn't make it hurt any less.

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--Repetition is an ugly thing--

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**A/N- Product of ten minutes and those goddamn plot bunnies that attacked me. Foul, evil creatures. Dunno where the emo-ness came from, but expect a SasuSaku angst to come out. Whenever I get around to typing it. Oh, and any FOMD readers that are mad at me, give me a PM, don't wanna type it on here. So, review?**


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